Feelings are not facts

I hate downhill skiing mainly because I feel absolutely terrified when I get on a chair lift. Last year I tried again. My skis feel like anchors pulling me down toward the earth. I clung to the safety bar, would not let anyone touch me or talk to me and the tears started to flowing. Being an incredibly logical person, I was telling myself that I am safe, people do this all the time, accidents are incredibly rare…Yet my feelings were totally in charge and they bore no relation to the facts at hand.

It is easy to see that in an example about a phobia of heights how our feelings do not represent the facts. It is harder to see that same concept in our everyday life, but the same thing happens almost daily.

Imagine you are in a meeting with 10 other people. While you are presenting a colleague interrupts you, makes his point, one that calls into dispute what you are saying and then tells the room he has to dash out, but he’ll be right back. You are going to immediately have some feelings about what just happened. You feelings may be hurt, embarrassment, disbelief, anger. These feelings can take over from your logical mind, which will try to tell you, your colleague has always been helpful and supportive, is not normally rude, and is just getting over the flu.

This principle works whether it is a big thing like being embarrassed or a little thing like wanting someone to do something. How many times have parents become angry/ frustrated because their child does not want to eat the dinner presented? The fact is the child does not want to eat, but the emotional reaction of the parent bears no relation to the facts. If a co-worker didn’t want to eat her lunch you would not make a big deal about it, it would not anger you. Yet the child does. This is not to say that we should not encourage children to try new things (thus creating new facts for them). However we should check our thermometer to see if the facts and feelings are matching up.

This requires self discipline and a willingness to examine why you are feeling the way you are. Is it your co-worker, is it the child, is it you. What is really going on?

After my disastrous first attempt on the chair lift, my sons who were eight and ten at the time, gave me lots of hugs and kisses at the top of the hill. They told me how proud they were of me as I stood shaking at the top. At the bottom they expected me to go in and be done with skiing yet again. Instead I kept trying. Each time I was a little less panic stricken. I never did enjoy it, but I kept at it. Robin Sharma says “The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master.” For me I was not going up the chairlift to prove anything but to regain control of my mind from my emotions.

 

Think about in your your life where you need to do the same.

Sara Rylott
Ready2fly

Teaching is Everyone's Legacy

Think about someone you consider important to you. Now think about what they have taught you. Maybe it was a grandma who taught you how to cook, a seventh grade teacher who believed in you, a neighbour who took you fishing. People rarely hold a special place in your heart just because they should. They hold that place in your heart because they have helped you become who you are through example, teaching, mentoring or loving.

This will also be your legacy. Your legacy is always as a teacher. You legacy will not be the work that you are paid for, but what you teach others along the way. Think about who in your life you are teaching right now. Are they learning the right things from you? How can you ensure that your legacy is a positive one?

The first step is in recognizing your role as a teacher. When you understand your interactions this way with your colleagues, family and children you will begin to change what you are doing and how you are doing it to maximize the value for  others.

 

This week be practice being conscious of what you are teaching and what you are learning.

 

Sara Rylott

Ready2Fly

What do you dream of?

A fool dreams of wealth, a wise man, of happiness. Kurdish proverb

There is a big difference between dreaming and wanting. A dream is something that seems inaccessible to us. We usually want things that are quite accessible to us or just slightly outside of our reach, but still within grasp.

 If we were to re-work this proverb it might say “A fool dreams of wealth, a wise man wants happiness.” Unfortunately many North Americans equate happiness with wealth even when they are clearly separate concepts. Like dreaming, wealth is something that is always just out of reach. Listen to someone who has money talk. It is often about acquiring more, diversifying portfolios, growing the business… These are all future things.

The person who focuses on happiness lives in the present. You don’t hear happy people saying tomorrow I am going to be even happier than I am today. They don’t try and hoard happiness in fact they are almost always giving it away. And yet these people experience the richness of life and a peaceful sleep that often alludes the wealthy.

That is not to say that you can’t have both, you can. But you should cultivate an awareness on what and where you are focused. Is it on future happiness through wealth or present happiness with wealth?

 

Sara Rylott

www.ready2fly.ca

Are You Standing Still?

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.- Chinese Proverb

For the first twenty years of our life our physical, emotional and intellectual growth seems exponential. Then we enter a much slower phase of growth. Our physical bodies experience slow but steady changes (I was quite smug that after ten years of marriage I had only gained 10 pounds- however at that rate of growth I would look like Mrs. Clause by sixty). Emotionally we learn how to handle heartbreak, anger and jealousy. Intellectually we try to keep nimble by reading the news or playing games. Even though we are growing slowly many people feel as though they really have come to a stand still in their lives.

Self assessment is a great tool in combating stasis. Just like going through old photos where you can see the physical changes, setting some time aside each year to write down what growth you have experienced both emotionally and intellectually can help you develop resiliency. By doing a self assessment each year you begin to uncover what you already know that you are capable of changing and adapting. Most importantly it allows you time to reflect on what you have learned so that you can adopt that learning and put it into practice.

At Ready2Fly we use two tools to get a sense of where you are right now. The first is to take MBTI which provides a personality profile. Having a detailed personality profile gives you a starting point for your growth. Think of it as the T-Shirt that says “I was here”, by knowing where you were you can see how far you have come. The second is an interest inventory. The Strong Interest Inventory lets you see what your interests are at a given point in time. Again this acts as an anchor to help measure growth. If you are in a job you hate and you uncover (or more likely rediscover) your true interests you can start to move towards them.

I know I will have to exercise to keep from gaining ten pounds every ten years. I also know that I have to engage my mind and my moral compass if I want to keep myself aligned on my life’s path. I can most certainly walk slowly down this path and I will not stop. What are you going to do?

To find out more about career planning please feel free to get in touch.