Resolving to Change

As we move into a New Year many people make resolutions to change, most will fail. We know from numerous studies in both psychology and health care that other people can be key in helping you effect the change you want.

Yet you may find that when you try to engage others in our efforts you don’t get quite what you were looking for. Often one of two things happens: they offer support but then withhold it (think “Sure I’ll go with you to the gym with you” and then they constantly cancel) or the person tries to talk you out of the change entirely. Do you just have lousy friends or is this normal?

Unfortunately this type of behaviour is pretty common. So why would a friend, parent, sibling, partner not want you to change for the
better? Well they do but they are stuck in the win/lose mentality that
is so pervasive in today’s culture. Watch any reality TV show and you
will see that pitting people against each other is now entertainment-
the modern day lions den. When you say you want to change it triggers
a reaction in people that you are somehow competing with them, and
thus setting up a win/lose situation for them.

What can you do to get support that will stick?

1. Examine your motivations for asking them to help. Are you competing
with them? Most people act without thinking about what their
intentions are. Sometimes our intentions are to make other people feel
small or inadequate. If you are thinking- I never do that, well if you
use sarcasm that is exactly what you are doing. We do the same things
with our requests. Asking someone who is constantly trying to diet to
help with your weight loss will feel like a competition or insensitive
to them. So when you enlist someone’s support know what your
intentions are.

2. Tell them why you value their help. People are busy these days and
providing support, even if it is only moral can seem like one more
thing on their plate. Why have you chosen this person for this goal.
Letting them know what you value about them can help them commit to
you.

3. People are mirrors. They always reflect back a part of you that you
like or dislike. So when you are asking someone to help you think of
what characteristics the two of you have in common. If you are
changing something that you two share they may not be as willing to
help you change that item because they see it as a rejection of part
of them.

4. Be willing to reciprocate. I call this win-share. You both don’t
need to win, but you must be willing to give back as you are achieving
your goals. Look for ways that your support system can share in you
success.

Being mindful of what you want and others need and you will find yourself on your way to positive change with your own personal cheerleading squad!

 

Sara Rylott

www.ready2fly.ca

What do you dream of?

A fool dreams of wealth, a wise man, of happiness. Kurdish proverb

There is a big difference between dreaming and wanting. A dream is something that seems inaccessible to us. We usually want things that are quite accessible to us or just slightly outside of our reach, but still within grasp.

 If we were to re-work this proverb it might say “A fool dreams of wealth, a wise man wants happiness.” Unfortunately many North Americans equate happiness with wealth even when they are clearly separate concepts. Like dreaming, wealth is something that is always just out of reach. Listen to someone who has money talk. It is often about acquiring more, diversifying portfolios, growing the business… These are all future things.

The person who focuses on happiness lives in the present. You don’t hear happy people saying tomorrow I am going to be even happier than I am today. They don’t try and hoard happiness in fact they are almost always giving it away. And yet these people experience the richness of life and a peaceful sleep that often alludes the wealthy.

That is not to say that you can’t have both, you can. But you should cultivate an awareness on what and where you are focused. Is it on future happiness through wealth or present happiness with wealth?

 

Sara Rylott

www.ready2fly.ca

Are You Standing Still?

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.- Chinese Proverb

For the first twenty years of our life our physical, emotional and intellectual growth seems exponential. Then we enter a much slower phase of growth. Our physical bodies experience slow but steady changes (I was quite smug that after ten years of marriage I had only gained 10 pounds- however at that rate of growth I would look like Mrs. Clause by sixty). Emotionally we learn how to handle heartbreak, anger and jealousy. Intellectually we try to keep nimble by reading the news or playing games. Even though we are growing slowly many people feel as though they really have come to a stand still in their lives.

Self assessment is a great tool in combating stasis. Just like going through old photos where you can see the physical changes, setting some time aside each year to write down what growth you have experienced both emotionally and intellectually can help you develop resiliency. By doing a self assessment each year you begin to uncover what you already know that you are capable of changing and adapting. Most importantly it allows you time to reflect on what you have learned so that you can adopt that learning and put it into practice.

At Ready2Fly we use two tools to get a sense of where you are right now. The first is to take MBTI which provides a personality profile. Having a detailed personality profile gives you a starting point for your growth. Think of it as the T-Shirt that says “I was here”, by knowing where you were you can see how far you have come. The second is an interest inventory. The Strong Interest Inventory lets you see what your interests are at a given point in time. Again this acts as an anchor to help measure growth. If you are in a job you hate and you uncover (or more likely rediscover) your true interests you can start to move towards them.

I know I will have to exercise to keep from gaining ten pounds every ten years. I also know that I have to engage my mind and my moral compass if I want to keep myself aligned on my life’s path. I can most certainly walk slowly down this path and I will not stop. What are you going to do?

To find out more about career planning please feel free to get in touch.