I used to feel the need to keep up, to hyper-engage, to fill
every moment… and then I realized it made me unhappy and resentful. The ability
to be quiet and to enjoy the quiet is being lost (and devalued) in a constantly
connected world. Once I began to say no to the dinner invitations, play dates,
candle parties and workout sessions a magical thing happened- I reclaimed my
life.
It was not always easy to say no. A friend of mine gave me a
mantra I now repeat “Nothing to justify, nothing to defend.” When saying no we
often feel we need to defend the no. “I can’t go because….” In reality there is
no such need to justify why you are not participating. You have the right to
simply opt out.
Warning- an interesting thing happens when you do this, you
find your true friends. A true friend accepts a no for what it is, a
declination of an event, not of them. However others see this as an affront to
them, you choosing anything over them is unacceptable. Then they try to make
you feel guilty or small. These encounters offer an opportunity for reflection;
now that you have carved out some time. Maybe they are just having a bad day,
or maybe if you really reflect on it, this person always needs to be in control
of the agenda, of you. Eventually, by spending the time to reflect, you will
start to see yourself and the relationships in your life as they are, not as
you imagine them to be as you whiz through life.
To learn about yourself and others you need to step away, to
get outside of your normal. This is why most training sessions happen outside
of your work place. We want to create a new environment where there are no
distractions. So think of doing nothing as a life class, where you get away
from the distractions, so you can learn something new. What better investment of
your time could you make?
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